Harry Potter and the Ford Ex Machina 2: Electric Boogaloo
by SpringyFredbearSuit
Summary: After a highly successful first year at Hogwarts School of Shenanigans and Debauchery. Harry Pothead is back for another round of drug enhanced deviance in 'Harry Potter and the Ford Ex Machina 2: Electric Boogaloo'. Follow his high adventures with highlights such as a ketamine addicted scrotum, an illiterate Ginny and Gilderoy Lockhart. [ABANDONED]
1. Attack of the Scrotum

It had been a few weeks since the events of 'Harry Potter and the Ford Ex Machina' and Harry was worried. Being at the Burrow, he didn't have access to the drugs of Hogwarts, so his supply was running dangerously low. If he ran out of drugs, the consequences would be disastrous but luckily, Ron can to his aid with the Philosopher's Stone he still had since the end of the Hogwarts year.

"So, how does it work?" Harry asked. Ron shrugged so Harry started to try absolutely everything. After an hour of testing, Harry finally discovered how to use the Philosopher's Stone.

"Drugs good." Harry chanted sixty nine times as the stone did its stuff and turned a random log into a pile of weed.

Him and Ron got stoned together for the rest of the day and well into the night. They were about to go into the Burrow when Harry almost walked into a midget.

"Ron, am I hallucinating due to the sheer amount of drugs consumed?" Harry inquired.

"I don't think so." Ron replied.

"Good, because there is a literal scrotum in a pillowcase squaring up to me right now." Harry told him.

"I'm not a scrotum, I am Dobby." The scrotum corrected.

"What is a Dobby and why is it here Ron?" Harry asked, unsure of the scrotum's intentions.

"Dobby is a house elf and he brings bad news. You cannot return to Hogwarts. It is dangerous this year" Dobby told them.

"Thanks for the heads up." Ron told the scrotum and it didn't look pleased at being brushed off. The scrotum ran up to the duo and rapidly clonked them over their heads with a frying pan which had materialised from nowhere in particular. It then escaped into the night ranting about snakes, diaries and his ketamine addiction. Harry looked at Ron with visible confusion.

"The plot demands that the scrotum is an important side character in 'Harry Potter and the Ford Ex Machina 2: Electric Boogaloo'." Ron explained. Harry nodded and they finally went to sleep. Harry dreamed about how he could automate the Philosopher's Stone to expand the drug cartel known as 'Potter's Pot'.


	2. The Thumb War

The next day, Harry was woken up by Mrs Weasley's flailing.

"hArRy PoTtEr! wE aRe GeTtInG gInNy'S tHiNgS tOdAy" she yelled. And so they did. The Weasley horde proceeded to travel to Diagon Alley via floo. However, as Harry was about to step into the fireplace, Ron picked him up like a log and yeeted him out the window into the Ford Anglia as it flew to London. Harry spent the journey getting stoned with Hermione who was written into the scene in the last minute.

"We're here!" The stoned Hermione told Harry, but when the Ford Anglia attempted to land, it clipped a chimney, did seven barrel rolls, a cartwheel and the macarena before sliding to a stop in the middle of Diagon Alley. Harry staggered out and pulled Hermione up.

"Another happy landing." Harry said. The Ford Anglia beeped in agreement.

"aAaAaArRrGgGhHh!" Mrs Weasley screeched, making sure Harry and Hermione were okay before taking them to the rest of the Weasley brood. They went to many shops to get everything they needed. Their final stop was Flourish and Blotts where Harry was immediately kidnapped by a man with a fabulous looking smile.

"Harry Potter, the boy who lived, slayer of dark lords and most importantly, dealer of drugs! I am Gilderoy Lockhart, the most amazing wizard who ever lived. Take a photo with me," Gilderoy Lockhart enthusiastically said, passing Harry a stack of his books and a large spliff. Mrs Weasley looked at Harry with visible disappointment. Once the pictures were taken, Harry complimented Lockhart's stunning smile and went back to the litter of Weasleys and Hermione.

"Sooooo, if it isn't Arthuuuur Weeeeasley. Yooouuu should go an a daaaate with me. I have a niiice muggle riiiiiipe for tooorture." Lucius Malfoy seductively said as he got uncomfortably close to Mr Weasley.

"dOn'T tAkE mY ArThUr AwAy fRoM mE!" Mrs Weasley screamed.

"There is ooonly ooone waaaay foooor wiiizards tooooo settle thiiiiis." Lucius told her as they linked hands.

"oNe, TwO, tHrEe, fOuR. i DeClArE a ThUmB wAr!" Mrs Weasley squealed.

"Fiiiiiive, siiiiiix, seven, eiiiiiight. Tryyyy toooo keep yooour thumb straiiiight." Lucius smoothly said as they engaged in a heated thumb war. Everyone in the store watched in awe as they went at each other's thumbs to win Mr Weasley's affections. Eventually Mrs Weasley triumphed and Lucius scuttled to the shadows after looking lovingly at Mr Weasley.

Every wizard and witch in the store cheered for Mrs Weasley as they left Flourish and Blotts to head back to the Burrow.


End file.
